It’s All About Me?

In-Short
If we are going to be selfish (which we are), then we have to be 100% selfish and make this moment all about us, using it to do what every organism must do to survive… grow.

In-Depth
I’m the one this is all for. All of it. It’s all for me (stick with me on this for a minute).

Yes, that is a really bold statement and I’m being 100% honest when I admit that I believe this all exists as it does for me. I believe this is the appropriate way to view and embrace that innate selfishness that exists in each of us. And we are crazy selfish. I mean craaaaaaaazy selfish.

Even the kindest and gentlest among us are extremely selfish. We are self-absorbed creatures. Most of what we do is for ourselves. If we have a child today, even just one, we are being selfish because the last thing this planet needs is more humans. If we drive a car, selfish. If we eat meat, selfish. If we water our lawn (for most of us that live west of the Mississippi), selfish. If we don’t donate every dollar we make beyond what we need to survive, selfish. So, before we get to justifying five-dollar coffees and building giant homes and career paths and business at large, we are already some of the most selfish organisms on earth.

If this beautiful world is going to be all about us, let’s truly make it all about us: the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly –– all of it. 

This means that every challenge I face, every moment of stress, strain or discomfort, is not only about me; it is for me. And more so, I’m the challenge. It’s not my client, the market, the demands of parenting or being a good partner. It’s not the traffic, the weather, the guy snoring next to me on this flight as I try to focus on writing.

We can’t take the good and leave the bad. If we are going to be selfish, we need to be 100% selfish.

So all of this, is all for me. From the sun rising on the snowcapped peaks below me to that guy sawing logs in the seat to my right, it’s all for me. This makes our work-life a powerful catalyst for personal transformation and cultural evolution.

What we choose to do with that pain-in-the-ass boss, challenging young employee or disgruntled customer is an opportunity to grow and evolve. Because we no longer live in close-knit communities, work has become that community. It is the place we spend more time than any other interacting with a network of individuals. Work repeatedly places us in uncomfortable situations with people, and this challenges our way of thinking, acting and being.

If we take ownership of all of that, viewing it all as a personal lesson the world has conspired to provide us, a custom-made opportunity just for us, then we have an opportunity to do something about it. It’s then on us to make change, grow and create something special in this world.  

The Power of “I Don’t Know”

When was the last time you heard, “I don’t know” in a meeting? Or, “Let me do some research and get back to you on that.” Instead, what we typically are encountering is the opinions of others.

Opinions spur debate because they are based on our own limited experience of the world. When we try to influence from the point of opinion, we are assuming everyone else in the room shares our same life experience or has the capacity to relate to it. They don’t.

Not only are these opinion-based debates ineffective, they are corrosive and time-consuming, eroding trust between team members and fragmenting the brand platform into personal interpretations.

Saying, “I don’t know” short circuits these debates. It creates a void, nothing to push against. It creates this space by stating anyone in the room might be right, but we don’t have enough clarity to make a decision. “I don’t know” calls into question the equation being used, without directly questioning the individual’s math. In this temporary opinion ceasefire, we can take a step back from promoting our answer and discuss how best to find an answer.

“I don’t know” does not end debate but creates a more constructive one by shifting the team away from evaluating the answer and towards evaluating how one came to an answer and why that’s the right approach.

“I don’t know” is so rarely said during these debates because not knowing puts us in a vulnerable place. After all, our job is to know, right? Wrong. Our job is to figure it out. Let that sink in for a moment.

Your job –at every level, in every department–is to figure it out. Your job is to gather, test, learn, discover, unearth and see what happens. The more experience we have, the better we get at this process and the better we get at figuring it out. The reason the beginner’s mind is so powerful isn’t because of beginner’s luck but because the novice comes to the problem knowing they don’t know, and this forces them to figure it out. The only path forward is to gather, test, learn, discover, and unearth, constantly scanning the environment for clues.

“I don’t know” lets everyone in the room off the hook from having to be a wise, all-knowing sage on the mountain top. It frees us to be scientists, questioning the world and conducting experiments to find answers to those questions – sometimes falling on our faces in the process, but sometimes discovering a breakthrough.

“I don’t know” has the power to transform the culture of organizations, exchanging the massive amount of time once spent debating, for time spent researching. That research shifts teams from designing experiences for themselves to designing experiences for their customers

“I don’t know” has the power to build more cohesive teams by steering individuals towards the pursuit of answers that are aligned with the brand’s principles and values, not their own.

The “I Don’t Know” Process.

1. Listen
   The first step is not to state that we don’t know; the first step is to let the fly. Again, these opinions are insights into the speaker’s perspective, born from their life experience. So let the team put their answers on the table. Ask questions to understand how they came to those conclusions to better comprehend their point of view and approach.
2. I Don’t Know.
   State in some form, “I don’t know the right answer” or, “I’m unclear about how to evaluate the answer.” Making yourself vulnerable creates permission for others to be vulnerable. But you can’t leave that vulnerability hanging out there, or the opinions will devour this opening to promote their answer.
3. Zoom Out.
   Disagreement on an answer is a sign of a lack of a clarity further upstream. Either the team is not clear on the objective, the strategy being used to achieve that objective, how tactics are best utilized or the context in which these are being applied. Quickly pull the conversation back from the “answers” and discuss these clarifying elements; the objective, the strategy, the tactics, the context. Again, be vulnerable by saying, “I need to make sure I’m understanding the project (or decision).” Then you can shift the conversation into clarification further upstream.
4. Design The Path.
   With clarity regarding where the disagreement or confusion lies, the team can then focus on identifying the best path to finding the best answer possible (the right equation). Note, this isn’t determining the perfect answer. This is figuring it out as best you can given the resources available. Unless decisions need to be made immediately, this usually involves research and reporting back to the team with analyses and findings.
5. Regroup, Informed.
   Information and data is reported to the team and reviewed prior to regrouping to make a decision. With everyone on the same page, working on the same equation, using the same data, a constructive discussion can be had to determine the best answer.

P.S. This post is most definitely a note to myself

Cut ‘em back

Take the dying limbs, the diseased branches, the dried up shriveled stems and chewed leaves and cut ‘em all back. Cut ‘em back till you have the seasoned, proven limbs and branches with a few strong new growths heading in just the right direction. That’s how you support Nature in producing a bountiful harvest.

Some years, when rain and sun are plentiful, we may let things go wild, allowing for new growth to become established. Other years, the tree tells us it’s been all too much and it needs to hunker down and carefully select how limited resources should be put to use. If we listen, if we allow for a step back after two forward, She will provide. If we fight it, if we push for two steps forward, then four, then eight, despite the weather, ignoring the rain or drought, we’ll see the consequences of our imposed imbalance.

These are the laws of nature. We are provided all the signs to diagnose and time our push forward or pruning. The underlying skill this all requires, the one farmers have cultivated for generations, is observation. Farmers know what to look for, where to look for it, and they have the conviction to take decisive action when the data points to clear answers, whether they like those answers or not. Because for thousands of years, the survival of their business has depended on it.